WHAT THE *@#$ JUST HAPPENED?!?!?!?

My friend Allison has this line she sometimes says in a horrible masculine urban accent, “Damn Nature! You Scary!” I laugh every time I  hear it. But right now I’m too shocked and shaken to laugh.  Maybe I will by the time I finish this post.  This is the story of a wayward bird and fate.

I spent the last 4 hours out in the summer heat, tidying up the plants on the deck and sweeping out the garage.

I had to remove everything from the garage to sweep it out. When I finished and started putting everything back inside, I got too close to a holly bush where a bird was nesting.  I scared it and it flew into the garage, where I had just pulled up the window blinds so I could clean out the cobwebs.  The bird flew right for the window and continuously slammed itself against the glass.  I tried to get its attention toward the garage opening so it could fly out.  But when I finally did catch its attention it flew up for some reason, right into the area where the door rolls down.

In order to see where it went I climbed the steps that lead from the house to the garage. I then opened the back door so I could look from the landing.  There was no bird up there.  I even started the automatic door to try to get the thing moving, but there was no sign of it.  Finally I closed the back door, wrote the situation off in my mind and finished what I had to do outside.

When I came in and started walking up to my room I heard chirping and rustling at the top of the steps.  When I got to the landing, I saw the little gray bird fluttering out of my bedroom.  Of all places, my bedroom!!!

I screamed and ran back downstairs where I paced back and forth trying to decide what to do.  My brother had the brilliant idea of getting our house cat, China, to catch the poor thing.  But when China is outside in the suburban jungle, she runs back in the house if a moth flies too close to her.  So she’d be no help. Finally I waited until the bird went back in my room then I crept in, closed the door behind me, and tried to open my windows.

I had never opened my windows completely, screens and all, so it was a few minutes of nervous fumbling.  All the while, I had no idea where in the room the bird was perched. I thought, “if it suddenly starts flying, I’ll probably scream and I might scare it so much that it goes after me and pecks my eyes out! (even though I’m wearing glasses)  As I pulled the window pane and the screens down, the room remained quiet and I realized how overly dramatic I was being. That bird was more scared of me than I of it and it was up to me to save it!

I found the little thing in my closet, perched (and probably pooping) on my hangers of clothes. I opened the doors of the closet completely, letting the sun shine in and the bird quickly hopped out then flew toward the windows. Of course it aimed too high again, preferring to fly into the white walls above and to the left of the window, instead of where the trees beyond could easily be seen.

When the bird suddenly landed on my night stand next to the window, I grabbed a pillow and swept it out the opening.  It worked!!! The bird was finally free!!!  It fluttered excitedly toward the hill of trees beyond the window.  And just as it reached the trees…I swear on my life, I watched this happen with my own eyes, like some ironic joke from The Simpsons…a hawk swooped in and grabbed it right out of the air!!!

After all of my rescue attempts, after a rude awakening in a holly bush, after the traumatic automatic garage door, after all of the confusing bright lights that turned out to be solid walls or windows, and after tasting glorious freedom and normalcy again for a brief moment, fate swooped in and handed a hungry hawk an easy meal.

“Damn Nature! You Scary!!!”

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